I grew up in Cincinnati,Ohio as a kid. Both of my parents were born and raised in Atlanta...and almost everyone in my extended family, remained in Atlanta. So, as a young child we spent many holidays and vacations in Atlanta... visiting family. We did a fair amount of traveling as a family. We didn't take any exotic trips to the islands, or European tours or anything but...we had a Chalet in Gattlingburg,TN. so we often went there to rest. We also went to florida a few times.. we traveled quite often to take me to one or another vocal competition...and we were VEEEEEERRRRY involved in our church community...so we often traveled out of state to go to various church conferences with our Pastor....
I never really liked being from Cincinnati... as a child, Atlanta...and Charlotte, or Chicago... many other cities that I was able to visit with my family seemed so much bigger. So full of life and culture. There was also a major issue between the African American Community in Cincinnati...and the Police Department....so, as a young child, I knew from as early on as I can imagine, that Cincinnati would always be where I was from...but not necessarily, where I lived as an adult. However, I always figured that though my family had ties to Atlanta.. THEY'D always remain there... so in some ways, I'd always "go home" to Cincy... when it came time for holidays and special occasions. I never really imagined what life would be like, if my parents moved away from the town that my siblings and I were born and raised in.
Well.. right before my junior or senior year of college... my parents called me, and told me that my mother had gotten a new job, within the company that she worked for, and had been offered a job in Houston,Tx. She'd accepted the job.. and they would move in less than a month from the time that we'd spoken. Well...instantly, things to a new perspective. Even though all of my friends had gone away for college... all of their families still lived in Cincinnati... so seeing them had always been convienient. NOW with my family literally leaving...for GOOD... WHO KNEW when I'd be able to spend time with them. And what about our house?? The thought of some new strange batch of people, coming to live, where I'd spent the bulk of my adolescent years really hurt me..AAAND I was in college. Traveling almost EVERY...SINGLE...WEEKEND with The Voices of Lee. Cincinnati was about 5hrs from my College... it wasn't like I was going to be able to go home..and really say goodbye... I had one last trip to Cincinnati to gather anything that I wanted to take from the house, to keep with me....and then, that was it.
Our family found Houston to be a lovely city, and they still reside there to this day. I lived there for about 2yrs, right after I graduated College. I took a job as a Director of Music for a local church there...but, Houston,never felt like, home. Even though my parents and my 2 younger brothers were there... going to visit them, was going to VISIT them... not going home.
After sometime, I settled in Nashville,Tn. I'd oved to Tn.with a young heart, full of big dreams, and a record contract. I just KNEW that my time in the sun had come... I was finally going to be the recording artist I'd dreamed of being for most of my life. To make a very,VERY long story short...well, a little bit shorter.... NOTHING went according to plan. Life was HARD for me. I found myself in a new city, at a new church, BROKE.... Buh-ROOOOOOKE, single, and heart broken. During that time God allowed friendships to develop with some of the most amazing people I may ever have the honor of knowing and loving. A sweet young couple who had a large ,sweet family of 5 kids who befriended me, when I was still in college....opened their hearts and their home to me... and Nashville, a city that had begin to resemble a place of doubt, fear, lack, and defeat.....began to look like home to me. My incredible friends encouraged me when I was down, laughed with me when I was being silly, and even cussed with me when I was mad, or hurting. Having them, along with plugging in and finding my niche' at my church...over time began to take the feeling of "homelessness" away from me. I never recorded the album that I'd started, but God allowed me to minister with some of the most amazing recording artists in varying genres all over the world. AND he plugged me into a ministry...where I joined the Praise Team of one of the Nation's most respected Bible Teachers.That motley crew of musicians and singers became both my friends and my family.
Years later, I looked up and I'd been in Nashville nearly 7 years, when an opportunity came along for me to relocate to Orlando,Fl. to sing full time at Walt Disney World. I'd JUST bought a brand new KING SIZE... memory foam bed for my bedroom, and had JUST gotten it assembled. I was laying in my new DEEElux bed when my phone rang. As I live and breathe, the Holy Spirit said to me, " that's Disney on the phone, they're gunna offer you a job, and you need to take it." Just like that. I'd not spoken to anyone from the company. It'd be a LONG time since i'd worked there last... there was NO earthly reason that I should've have suspected they'd be calling to offer me a job. NONE. Well, suffice it to say, the Holy Spirit was right. It WAS them, and they did offer me a job. They offered me a full time job, and didn't even tell me what show it was that they wanted me to sing in. I had to ask them later, after the woman who called told me that they had a full time contract to offer me! lol
What the Holy Spirit nicely left out... when he prepared my heart for the conversation that I was about to have, was that once I took the job with Disney, I'd have about 3wks to gather my things, and get to florida....
I called my parents, I called my dear sweet friends who are family to me... and it was very clear, that I needed to go..... But... I was going to be leaving the only place that had felt like home to me, since I was in college.
Its an usual feeling.... when you don't honestly feel like you BELONG anywhere, or to anybody. Even though my parents lived in Houston...it wasn't MY home. It was where they lived. My mother and I had a few arguements about that. She felt like "home" should be wherever THEY were...since they're my parents. In many regards that's true... but Houston, though close to my heart for several reasons, including the amazing friendships I made while working there at the church....does not BELONG to me... ya know?? It's not MY city...
I've wrestled with the "home" idea now off and on for YEARS. I lived in Orlando for nearly 3 years while I worked for Disney. All the while, I missed Nashville... the place I'd called home for nearly 7 years. But then, a funny thing started to happen...
A shifting began in my spirit. A couple of years back now... I began to get even MORE restless. It bothered me that I didn't have any place to call my own any more... I felt torn. Houston, Nashville, Orlando... and the longer I stayed away from Cincinnati... the place that I resented so much as a child, Cincinnati even began to feel like "home" in many regards.....
I began to pray. " God, give me a home. Send me home, I want a place that's all my own. I'll go WHERE EVER you tell me to, I just want to that such and so spot...is my HOME BASE.......but Send me Father, I'll go!!!"
In March of this year I left Orlando, and moved BACK to Nashville...and so thinking that God had answered my prayers... I prepared to start rooting again. Knowing that for me, there would always be seasons when i'd be away for awhile. Maybe even a LONG while... but I just assumed that since the Lord had allowed to me to return to Tn...that's where I would be. I JUST MOVED BACK TO ORLANDO....hahaha... only for the holiday season. As far as I know i'll be back to Nashville in January.... but my feelings about "HOME" and where exactly that is for me are starting to shift. My hearts desire is to go where ever the Lord needs me, wants me, wills me to go. I've learned that I wont be happy. Unless I know for certain, that I'm exactly where the Lord wants me to be.....for however long... in whatever environment.
I LOVE MY PARENTS... and they live in Houston, TX...where my siblings live, and MANY of my dearest friends live. I may never personally reside there again... but does it feel like home to me, when i'm with them?? YES. Do I ADORE schlepping around my parent's house... in my PJ's... cookin', eatin'...laughin' and cryin'?? YOU STINKIN BETCHYA!! So, Houston is home to me. I LOVE NASHVILLE,TN... I LOVE my friends, I LOVE my church family, I LOVE all that God has worked out in me and developed in me, during my season of life in that city. It will ALWAYS be home to me, whether I build a home there and raise my kids there...or NOT!! NASHVEGAS,Tn... is home. I LOVE ORLANDO.. I am connected to the city in ways that are hard for me to explain. I believe that God is up to something amazing in this city, and I'm looking foward to being a part of it, if he'll allow me to be. HOW LONG WILL I BE HERE? Your guess is as good as mine at this point... But it was home to me for several years..and it still feels home now!! Atlanta,Ga.... birthplace of my ENTIRE family tree... I feel so connected to that city, and I never spent more than a couple months at a time living there... but you better KNOW that it's home to me....
I've written an Illiad, JUST to get to this point.... You don't HAVE to have a house in a city, Or have lived there you entire life.. Or have a spouse and kids in a city, for God to have called you there for a season, OR for it just simply to feel like home to you. I dont know where I'll be when the next time I look up and I've lived in a city for 7 or 10 or 15yrs.... All I know that, God's allowed my heart to grow in love and in him, in some pretty varying cities and environments.... and with all the LOVE i've experienced from knowing and loving him... knowing and loving his people, and him blessing me with THEIR love in return.... I'm just as home as I need to be.... Where EVER he sends me!!!
so... there's THAT!
Great expression Yapsalot!
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