A tribute to my mommy

Today was Mother's Day. I'm sure that's no major announcement to MOST of you, but just in case you were too busy going about life, and the date snuck up on ya....consider this a personal Public Service Announcement from me to you..

I've known for quite some time now that I wanted to write a blog in honor of my mom, Yasmin Brown. Now that I'm actually doing so, it seems as though I've developed a bit of  "writer's block". Not because I'm lacking words to say...but because there's so MUCH that I want to say.

My mom, is the TRUTH!! If I were speaking in a more relaxed, "urban" jargon, I'd say that she was the STRAIGHT UP truth!! Meaning, she's the real deal. Most of you know that my family is not a "traditional" one, by any sense of the word. Anymore families like mine aren't uncommon... But back when my parents began to assemble our family; families like ours were a little more rare. My parents adopted myself, my 2 younger brothers, and then added my lovely sister as their foster child when I was about 15. I knew from a very early age, that it took WAY more than having a child "naturally", or biologically to be a parent. My parents were always upfront and honest with all of us about the fact that we'd been adopted by them when we were small babies. It's something that I've always been grateful for. But what I'm grateful for the MOST are the lessons I've learned from my mom, when she wasn't neccessarily going out of her way to teach me anything in particular.

I learned that a mother, a REAL mother will protect her family at all costs. I learned that a REAL mother would think NOTHING about striking to kill someone who hurt her children. I learned that a REAL mother will do her best to give advice and wisdom to her children,and that even when it seems hopeless to continue to believe that there is any good whatsoever in her children, she will. I learned that a REAL mother has a heart as big as Texas,and even when it's been broken by the foolish behavior of her child, she always has more love to give. I learned that it's ok, to be confident in who you are as a person, and in the giftings given to you by God. Not only is it ok, it's important. However, it's also imperative that you keep the Lord the central figure of your life, in ALL that you do.

I've learned that a REAL mother will sacrifice of herself, all of her live long days to provide for her family. She'll cry with you, she'll cry FOR you, and most likely at some point, she'll cry BECAUSE of you. I learned from my mother that having big dreams, and big goals is a wonderful thing. I also learned that having the biggest goals and dreams in the world mean NOTHING, if you're not willing to put some blood, sweat and tears behind them, to bring them to fruition. A REAL mother will defend her child against anyone who for whatever reason, can't see her children through the same eyes of love that she does. A REAL mother will put her own hopes and aspirations on hold, in order to build up the hopes and aspirations of her kids.

When you can only see the WORST in you, she sees the best, and she reminds you of who you really are, when you can't seem to remember. My mother taught me to NEVER quit. Even when you have good reason to. I watched my mom work harder than anyone else,stay longer than anyone else, and put more of herself into her work than anyone else, because whatever she did, needed to be done in excellence. My mother is an academically brilliant woman. She attended both an HBCU and an Ivy league university. But whenever I had difficulty in learning something that may have come easy for her.... she didn't rest until she found away to get the knowlege to me in a way that I could understand.EVEN if that met hiring a BILLION tutors, or writing and performing a rap song to teach me math. (Oh, and when I say perform...lol you aint' seen NOTHING til' you see my mom rappin' ala "rappers delight" to teach me the formula E=MCsquared)  A REAL mom can be a little "obnoxious" sometimes with the pride she has in her children,but she doesn't care. Lastly a REAL mom, can look at a child that's been given away, and given the title "orphan"; take that child as her own, and give it the title "loved&chosen".

My mom and I have been the best of friends at times, and we've gotten on each other's nerves SO badly, we thought we'd kill each other. Matter of fact, it amazes me sometimes that I've made it into my 30's. I gave that poor woman such a hard time in my younger days, Lawd.... Sometimes,because of my own insecurities I worry that I've not done enough to show her how much I love her, and that I've not made her proud enough with what I've accomplished in life so far. But because MY mom is such a good mom.... the moment that I begin to doubt myself, when I'm at my lowest moments and all I can seem to hear in my head are voices from my past seeking to remind me of where I come from, and where I've been. I IMMEDIATELY hear an even LOUDER, stronger, resounding voice, reminding me that I'm loved, I am chosen, and that where ever I go, she will ALWAYS be right by my side. It's the voice of my mother... my REAL mother, Yasmin Roberts Brown, and THAT makes everything alright.

Happy Mother's Day Mom, and Happy Mother's Day to ALL of you who have loved, nurtured, and cared for a child. The world is a better place because of women like you!!

it's already been said before but, "F-YOU!!" (thoughts on forgiveness)

I've a nice person. More or less. I get a long with people fairly easily. MOST folks like me, right off the bat... I like most folks...actually I'm lying. I DON'T like most folks... but I don't dislike them, it's just that I'm not easily trusting of people. I've been burnt, one time too many BILLION for that, and so I've sort of developed away that allows me to "enjoy" people, while, not REALLY having to LIKE them all that much... Understand?? I'm not being fake, I'm interested in their stories, I like laughing with them. We can eat together, make jokes, talk about God and philosophy, but at the end of the day, I dont expect much GOOD from them. Why? Because, I got hurt that way. Not just one time. Not just a few times, MANY times.... and hurt deeply....

So...I've been content to go on with my life as I've created it.... With most folks who meet me, thinking i'm a free spirit of sorts...loving to all she meets, with a heart as big as Texas.... Well... I AM a bit of a free spirit. But in many ways I'm an old school, holiness or hell, bible thumping, apostolic,traditionalist. I DO love people.... But I've almost ALWAYS got my guard up, and for the longest time, I felt entitled to my decision to protect myself. However, God has been pestering me, quite a bit lately about forgiveness. You see, I'm a bit of a grudge holder. I've known and disliked this about myself for sometime now. I'll let a person walk all over me for EVER...but when the time comes that i'm finished with it all.... I can't just let it go, release them to God, brush the dust off my feet and keep it moving..... I try to. Many times I've convinced myself that I have.... But then YEARS later, something will happen and i'll realize that I'm still holding a grudge against someone, for something they may or may not have apologized for already.

I've heard for years and years that the choice to forgive is one that has to be made by you DAILY.... For one reason or another God allowed me to see in FULL,CLEAR, SHINING GLORY the other day that I was still resentful at someone who had hurt me deeply years, and I mean YEARS ago. Wanna know how I knew I was still "buggin'" a bit?? I was prompted in my spirit to pray for that person....

The moment that I went to, a war of sorts happened inside of me. My spirit wanted to obey, and see God's will done in their lives. My spirit wanted their soul to prosper and for the promises of God to be fulfilled in their life...but just as soon as I went to pray my mind wanted to recall how hurt I'd been by their actions. Immediately I was ashamed. I was ashamed because I was knew that I was in the very presence of God, and that he'd compelled me to do something, and my childish, immature, "flesh" nearly stopped me. I prayed. And I prayed hard, and I asked for forgiveness for MYSELF for being so silly, and childish, after all of the offenses I'd caused against God himself, and he'd forgiven me. And as I prayed for that person.....healing began to flood my spirit.... Healing that I've continued to feel in the days since.....

I've begun to think of others that I've been holding in the prison of my contempt, and I'm asking for the strength to release my pain, and all that has kept me in bondage for far too long,to God. I KNOW full well that what I'm asking for is no small task. I know that it's going to involve active participation at my part..... But it's time.... it's beyond time.... so, like the seemingly uncooth...(sp?) preacher whose video went viral on the world wide web said..... F-YOU... to all of those who've hurt me in the past... I'm honestly... gunna do my best to forgive you, FOREAL. Because heaven knows, I need real forgiveness for my trespasses....

That's all I've got for now! Light,love,liberty and Joy to you all!!

L'quatious

long...LONG time no post...

WELP... I'm back. That's all for now... I hope you've all enjoyed the past few months of blogatory... lol. Because I may never shut up again!!